my son, my own

when i stop crying i will be lost
lost in that place without memory
or feeling
the disconnect between head and heart
a twisted wire

when i stop crying i shall start to scream
i will scream at the top of my lungs
and beg for strength to refuse the air
to shut my eyes to the morning
to the sun

when i am through screaming i will bleed
my blood will be anguish
it will pool around my ankles
cover my thighs
breasts
mouth, eyes
i will bleed every drop for you

for every tear you could not cry
for every word you could not say
for every gesture you could not make
i cry, scream, bleed, die
a thousand deaths

and my thousand deaths will never equal your one.