standing in deep water

i am thinking about running away.
there's a train that runs from milwaukee to seattle.
it could be raining there.
that seems to fit.
i could try to drown these thoughts in my head.

anchor

the only thing keeping me here is the salt on your skin.
if i didn't have that, i think i'd disappear.

like a roaring lion.......

the devil came into my work last night.
she ordered a grande, non-fat, sugar free vanilla latte.
she was tall and slender with curves in all the right places.
i mean, God!
i couldn't even mutter "eat something skeletor." under my breath to make myself feel better.
light brown flawless skin, beautifully streaked chestnut hair and large blue eyes.
after looking once i couldn't look again.
i felt like a seed wart next to a delicate, french manicured index finger.
it was just too painful.
i was all of a sudden too much of everything.
too round.
too fair.
too plain.
too short.
too..... too.
i made her drink and she left.
seeking someone else to devour.

looking for yourself among the wreckage

are you waiting to see your likeness?
here? like a canvas?
hear your voice given letters? with my fingers?

tell me how my eyes changed shape!
tell me what my mouth did!

when i saw you.
just there.
and the sexiest thing i could think of was a brown, long underwear shirt.

"i missed you...."

i hate the taste of foot in my mouth.

i don't know how these thoughts get into my head much less what they mean. why would i give voice to them?

"....like a color." what the hell did that mean? i've been thinking about it all day. sometimes i think i might be close. then i don't.

i think that maybe (why not?)...

it has something to do with sunsets.

the way the sky is filled with a myriad of blues and then the orange and yellow of the sun. looking at it you think "that's nice." it's pretty and soothing.

all of a sudden, out of nowhere, bursts pink. and you think, "shit. i never would have thought of that." and you feel stupid. and ordinary. and you wonder at your temporary loss of vision.

...it's like that.

"your absence......like a needle..."

tonight it is a doubled up, physical ache. i'm missing her like hell. i look around and wonder, "where are you?" i don't feel her. i hate that.

strung

something is building. in me. here. now. bubbling up. over.
i'm bouncing off walls. shaking and rattling in these bones. i'm trying to fill up holes. tiny, unforgivable, pinpricking holes. i'm chaining. i'm zooming. i can feel it. any day now something is gonna give. give. give. these bars have some give and i'm gonna take the out. out. out. "your life doesn't come with a laugh track." track. track. track. am i on the right track? i won't blink. i'm just about ready. here i come. i'm cussing and kicking. i'm dancing. it started as a hiss. right here, upper left to my right eye. and it's been getting stronger as i take you down. down. down. furious now. i'll take you down.

i won't blink.