and now for something completely different

i want to write about something good.
the way i feel when the wind blows and the tree in the yard rustles.
a good cup of coffee with cream and sugar.
a little mouth calling out "i love you to pieces".
i need to remember the ocean at sunset.
carving names on a bridge.
swimming naked in a stream.
the bike rusted on the fence.
a red dress over a river.
it's important that i never forget.
poems left in secret.
the solitary dunes.
music on the pier.
soft touches on sensitive skin.
so much of what i feel is dark. memories like these and last night, they let in light.
this light is water.
i need it to survive.

...outrun my skin...

go ahead and fall into the night. withdraw. i'll still be here when your eyes open.

i wish i could say "go to hell",and mean it. i wish i could deny everything i feel.
but mostly, right now, i wish i still dreamed of men with sunset hair and cobalt eyes. men with wild curls and nutmeg skin.

this night is shit and i'm sitting in the shadows, trying to remember the last time i felt alright.

you always fall asleep when i'm in pain. i'm watching you toss and murmur and i want to be miles and miles away from here. somewhere i can be small instead of just feel small. somewhere i can be silent and still because there is nothing left to say.

the tattooed woman

i have 7 scars on my stomach.
in the area between my breasts and pelvic bone.
the longest is 7 inches, the shortest is a half inch.
2 of them have mutilated my belly button.
some of them are angry.
all of them are ugly.
lately, it seems like my scars are defining me.
they are my lifes story.
written in braille, across my flesh.